Happy Holidays

Wishing you peace and love during the holiday.

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Twitter

I've got my new twitter background set. I'm still trying my best to network in the BDSM world. My sub is all about blogging, but not twitter. We've come a long way, but still have a ways to go. Still trying to figure out when and how to squeeze in this lifestyle. It's hard with work, school, a child, a busy house and life in general.

I would love to hear your comments.

How do you handle real life interferance

If it were up to me we would have time and space every night to be as nasty and loud as we want. But real life won't allow it. How do you avoid this? I don't want to set days because I love being spontaneous. If she comes around the corner in that sexy outfit then it's on!

Her school work, my job and lack of privacy has stalled everything we've recently been working on.

What have you done to fix this?

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The feeling I get when I'm giving a spanking.

A lot of things go through my head during spankings. First of all in our lives there are a few different types of 'spankings'.

There is the quick slap on the ass. This is done with a few things in mind. In one fashion it's a loving "I want you" type of slap. Then there is the "get your self in line" swat.

There is a maintenance spanking that is a mutually agreed upon spanking that is enjoyed by all. This one is usually capped of with very sensual sex.

There is an agressive over the knee spanking. This spanking is my favorite. Seeing her bend over, with part of her juicy pussy lips showing drives me crazy! Just thinking of it makes me want to go grab her right now. The sex after this type of spanking is carnal.

Then there is the punishment spanking. This one is for teaching her a lesson. Sometimes there are tears, sometimes we do not cuddle or have sex after. If a lesson is learned then it worked.

I remember when we first started talkig about and acting on spankings. I was shocked that she wanted it, she was shocked that I was ok with it. Her ass is the greatest ever. And any chance for me to put my hands on it makes me happy. When i spank her I feel so many things. The power that I hold over her makes me feel amazing. The sexual flood of feelings is overwhelming. Sometimes a well timed swat will make both of us scream with pleasure.

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Not something you do, something you practice

Once I got over my pride issues I saw that there was a lot to learn. Now that I know that she needs structure and guidance  I'm trying to make sure I'm the best HOH for her.

The practice of BDSM for us may be different than others (I'm very open to suggestion). We are currently working on lists of thigs that we expect from each other. My list consists of rules followed by the punishment. I may share parts of her list to me later. As I said before this isn't something you can jump into without fully understanding. I did it once and I learned my lesson. We will have clearly defined rules, and enjoy it more because we both know when, where and why things are happening.

Put away pride to learn from someone else

When I thought of BDSM I thought it was the dominant figure getting what ever it was they want. If they didn't get it they would punish their submissive for not doing it.

We all probably know about BDSM, if you do skip this paragraph (wall of words). Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active — applying the activity or exercising control over others — are known as tops or Dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and bottom/submissive roles—either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to relationship—are known as S/switches.[2]

What I failed to see was that being accountable for raising someone in this lifestyle is a big undertaking. I was still seeing it as a spanking when I wasn't happy. My sub was doing all the reading, joining groups, talking to people and I was just along for the ride. Can a bottom teach a top?

All or nothing?

When I get into something I jump into it 100%. I must have spent 2 hours at work on my phone looking for people to follow on Twitter and checking out their blogs. This all or nothing attitude is what made our first attempt at D/s fail. I usually don't do anything until I fully understand it, but the thought of slapping her ass, telling her to get on her knees and strapping her to the bed made me jump in without full knowledge.

I knew that when I was in the bedroom I could completely dominate and show no regret because it was what she wanted. When I reached for the paddle because she didn't complete a task that day, I knew I was right. But then I started to lose sight of the reason we started it. It was the extreme love that we feel for each other. It was the slow stroke from behind, her looking up at me and softly saying "I love you".

I soon started to see fear, and not the devotion that I originally wanted.

Things are getting better. Seeing how couples function in the real world, then behind closed doors is helping so much.