Not something you do, something you practice

Once I got over my pride issues I saw that there was a lot to learn. Now that I know that she needs structure and guidance  I'm trying to make sure I'm the best HOH for her.

The practice of BDSM for us may be different than others (I'm very open to suggestion). We are currently working on lists of thigs that we expect from each other. My list consists of rules followed by the punishment. I may share parts of her list to me later. As I said before this isn't something you can jump into without fully understanding. I did it once and I learned my lesson. We will have clearly defined rules, and enjoy it more because we both know when, where and why things are happening.

Put away pride to learn from someone else

When I thought of BDSM I thought it was the dominant figure getting what ever it was they want. If they didn't get it they would punish their submissive for not doing it.

We all probably know about BDSM, if you do skip this paragraph (wall of words). Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles. Typically, participants who are active — applying the activity or exercising control over others — are known as tops or Dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners, are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and bottom/submissive roles—either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to relationship—are known as S/switches.[2]

What I failed to see was that being accountable for raising someone in this lifestyle is a big undertaking. I was still seeing it as a spanking when I wasn't happy. My sub was doing all the reading, joining groups, talking to people and I was just along for the ride. Can a bottom teach a top?

All or nothing?

When I get into something I jump into it 100%. I must have spent 2 hours at work on my phone looking for people to follow on Twitter and checking out their blogs. This all or nothing attitude is what made our first attempt at D/s fail. I usually don't do anything until I fully understand it, but the thought of slapping her ass, telling her to get on her knees and strapping her to the bed made me jump in without full knowledge.

I knew that when I was in the bedroom I could completely dominate and show no regret because it was what she wanted. When I reached for the paddle because she didn't complete a task that day, I knew I was right. But then I started to lose sight of the reason we started it. It was the extreme love that we feel for each other. It was the slow stroke from behind, her looking up at me and softly saying "I love you".

I soon started to see fear, and not the devotion that I originally wanted.

Things are getting better. Seeing how couples function in the real world, then behind closed doors is helping so much.

Genesis

I've decided to start this blog because of my loving girlfriend. She believes that our previous attempt at this lifestyle failed because I didn't read, and research as much as she. After looking at the situation I know she is right.

It ended one night when I NEEDED her to listen to me, I NEEDED her to submit, I NEEDED the dominant feeling that I had not gotten in far too long. I grabbed her, not in a way much different than I would during sex. But we weren't in bed, and in this situation it was a bad idea.

Since that day we've learned a lot, and went from angry, to talking, to understanding, and now again trying the lifestyle we loved so much.

I'm here finally express my feelings to the world. She's had a blog for some time and I know that being able to talk about this life to someone other than each other would be helpful. I hope to find others in my situation, talk about our life, read about yours and make this D/s lifestyle work.